Just as a precaution, I know this is considerably lengthy and I probably wouldn’t read the entire thing. I just don’t have anyone that I can talk to about this and I’m venting about my recent “dating” experience. I’m overwhelmed and I just need to write out my feelings.
Why is it that dating so difficult? How hard could it possibly be to find someone to share your time, memories and experiences with? It doesn’t sound like too big of a problem, right? Wrong. Too much of something typically results in some much needed “me time” or resentment.
People **my mother** have been harassing me about not having a boyfriend. When did it become a problem being a self sufficient and independent woman? Was it an issue when I didn’t have a date to my high school’s junior prom? No. Was it worry some that I didn’t want to spend time with people I was not interested in furthering a relationship with? No. BUT because I am now in my mid-twenties, my mother is freaking out. I love when my mother reminds me on a daily basis that if I do not lower my standards and expectations, I will surely die alone. My response to that is, “If that’s what it takes, it’ll be for the greater good.” I love being alone and I revel in it. I do not want any communication with anyone. Would people consider me to be antisocial? Sure. Do I care about titles? No.
However, since I live in a town where everyone seems to know everyone, I was convinced by my friends and family to give online dating a try. I don’t think I’ve ever been so well… amused by everyone on there. I never realized that the people I grew up with had a COMPLETELY different side to them and were such freaky-deaky’s.
Yet, through all of the clutter of people in my inbox, one stood out more than others. Its amazing that something as simple as “hey” got my attention over someone that actually asked me a question. This guy was really attractive and seemed that he would be interesting to talk to. He was tall and had light brown hair with deep chestnut eyes. Wow. After exchanging witty banter for about a week, I finally became comfortable giving him my number. Conversation was easy and things were actually going really well. He was extremely open and honest about his past. Which, for those of you that did not know, being honest is one of my huge deal breakers; I don’t associate with liars, no matter how small the lie is. So when he was honest about his recovery and his past, I was pleasantly surprised and really taken back. I’ve never experienced a connection like this. I have never been in love, but I knew that I was really starting to like him to the point that I was emotionally invested.
Another week went by and we felt that it was finally time to meet. I was so excited to finally look at a person instead of gazing at a picture. I wanted to look into his eyes when he was talking instead of staring in wonder at a screen. Considering that we live about 35 minutes apart, we agreed to meet at a neutral coffee shop that would be our half way point. As the days got closer and closer to our meet, I would wake up excited. It was such a foreign feeling. My heart would flutter and drop a little bit every time I would see that he had messaged me.
When the day came, I got up at 6:00 a.m., drank a gallon of coffee, brushed my teeth, jumped in the shower, and started trying on what seemed like one hundred outfits. I wanted to make a killer impression. A few hours had passed and I didn’t hear anything from him. “That’s fine” I thought, “maybe he is at work and he can’t be on his phone.” Now it was an half an hour before our coffee date, and still nothing. Was I looking too far into our whatever it was? I finally got a text three hours after our date was supposed to be… 9:00 p.m. I was crushed. He came up with the excuse that he was helping out his friend, whom was also a veteran, with his medications. He had also mentioned that this friend had also given him a pot cookie and it made him forget our plans. We have been talking for a little over two weeks and you forgot that we were supposed to meet? All it would take for him was to shoot me a text saying that today was a bad day. I’m not your mother. I understand that things come up and shit happens, but you should have respect for my time and my feelings.
After he apologized, I shook it off and didn’t hold that incident against him. We made plans to now get together that weekend. I was still pretty excited. The day finally arrived and everything was coming together. When all of the sudden, I receive a text from him. “Hey I have to help my friend move. He’s getting out of a messy divorce and he needs my help.” Well at least this time I wasn’t stood up. As he helped his friend, we continued texting. Naively, we make plans again for the third time to which he also cancels. I can’t even remember the bullshit excuse that he used because at this point it does not mean anything to me.
How does the saying go.. fool me once, shame on you… fool me twice shame on me? I know he is busy and I know that he has a life, but my issue is that if he wanted to make it happen, he would’ve. You make time for people that you have respect for or are interested in. This time I didn’t text him back and nor did he make an effort to text me back. I was so disappointed and let down. I felt that in our month’s time in getting to know each other, that I had left some sort of impression on him. A week almost passes to which I receive a hostile text saying that I was done with him and that I had decided to stop talking to him. I told him that I didn’t feel that he wanted to make time to see me or that he had necessarily wanted to see me and that he proved it with not reaching out to me in the entire week. To which he pushes it back by claiming that he tried texting me. Screenshots of our conversation with each other were exchanged and both of us were right. I never received a his texts and he never received a reply. It must have been a phone glitch, because we were both telling the truth.
We both apologized and acknowledged that it was a miscommunication and that it was neither of our intentions to stop talking. We pick up texting but this time it feels different. I can feel there is a disconnect. I can feel that he is being weird. Does he not believe me about not getting his texts? Why would I lie about something like that? If I wanted to stop talking to him, I would’ve deleted his number, blocked him, or told him that he should loose my number. Now instead of texting me throughout the entire day and talking, I get a text reply about once every 8-10 hours. What the hell. Why would you throw a fit because we stopped talking, and why are you not replying back?? Do not resurrect something that was almost dead. If you wanted to move on with your life in a different direction, why get confrontational and not act on it? You should have just left it alone. What was your point that you’re trying to prove?
Still throughout all of this, there is a small hope that he figures out what he wants or if he wants to pursue a relationship. I know that I won’t be around forever. I ain’t got time for this. I have a life that is as equally important.